Thursday 11th Jan
YAY! Been looking forward to this day (well part of it anyway). Today I meet with Thomas Archer( our builder) to go through our house colour selection...... Probably one of the most fun things to do! I'm excited to see what our new home will look like. I'm excited to have a positive project to look forward to amongst all this madness and I want to see it built for my girls, we’re on strict time constraints. I loved the colour selection and I smashed it in record time because now I have my first radiation treatment!!!
On to the not so exciting part of my day. I was getting my head in the zone but it's tough, really tough. You get robed up and placed on to the radiation machine. They fit your head very snuggly into the machine with your customed made mask, so you can't move. Then the thoughts start flooding into your mind whilst they're doing their checks and balances ensuring all’s right. All I could think about is my family. I'm not ready to leave them. The girls are too young, it's not the life I had planned for them. What will Kane do with 3 girls? How will he manage? What will their life be like? I don't want to miss it, I want to be here.
OK it's time. They leave the room. It was really, really tough just to know what was about to happen, I was quite emotional. I cried through the mask….not dealing! The idea of whole brain radiation is too much to handle….burning my whole brain….FULL ON!!!
YAY! Been looking forward to this day (well part of it anyway). Today I meet with Thomas Archer( our builder) to go through our house colour selection...... Probably one of the most fun things to do! I'm excited to see what our new home will look like. I'm excited to have a positive project to look forward to amongst all this madness and I want to see it built for my girls, we’re on strict time constraints. I loved the colour selection and I smashed it in record time because now I have my first radiation treatment!!!
On to the not so exciting part of my day. I was getting my head in the zone but it's tough, really tough. You get robed up and placed on to the radiation machine. They fit your head very snuggly into the machine with your customed made mask, so you can't move. Then the thoughts start flooding into your mind whilst they're doing their checks and balances ensuring all’s right. All I could think about is my family. I'm not ready to leave them. The girls are too young, it's not the life I had planned for them. What will Kane do with 3 girls? How will he manage? What will their life be like? I don't want to miss it, I want to be here.
OK it's time. They leave the room. It was really, really tough just to know what was about to happen, I was quite emotional. I cried through the mask….not dealing! The idea of whole brain radiation is too much to handle….burning my whole brain….FULL ON!!!
So for those who have followed my story,
you'll know how music has played a massive part in my treatments etc to date???
Well listen to this.
So just as they started the radiation on my brain, no joke a Robbie Williams song came on, the light went on and the treatment started and he sang at exactly that point
So just as they started the radiation on my brain, no joke a Robbie Williams song came on, the light went on and the treatment started and he sang at exactly that point
"Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die"
I don't know that song well so I made sure I paid attention to what it was. Freaked me out!!!
Anyway that made me sook it even more.
But then it was like the universe said OK enough for this poor chick, and then when I had my chest radiation done next a funky Stevie Wonder song came on so I could bop and I did 😊!!!
Tough day, really tough day, but bring on the next 9 sessions. I'm ready to kick it ass only way I know how 👠👠ðŸ‘
Was so happy to come home and give my dolls a squeeze.
Despite all this I can
still feel grateful, I’m grateful for the best friends, family and neighbours
who are such a help for me. My gorgeous friend Gill who took the girls out to
the beach the whole day....blessed! Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don't wanna die"
I don't know that song well so I made sure I paid attention to what it was. Freaked me out!!!
Anyway that made me sook it even more.
But then it was like the universe said OK enough for this poor chick, and then when I had my chest radiation done next a funky Stevie Wonder song came on so I could bop and I did 😊!!!
Tough day, really tough day, but bring on the next 9 sessions. I'm ready to kick it ass only way I know how 👠👠ðŸ‘
Was so happy to come home and give my dolls a squeeze.
Being home lifts me. I need the energy and love I feel.
We had a family sleepover that night..... That means everyone in our room. Seemed like a good idea until about 3am when Harper becomes an even bigger snuggler. Means not much sleep..... But lots of love and cuddles.
It was great and what I needed. I needed to soak up some love. Was a good night!
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