Monday 15th January
So limited sleep but still woke up
OK….could have had a few more hours to be honest!This morning Fleur popped around with DD and Lennon so we did our pamper session together. It was so nice to see all the kiddies sitting around with our scented candles and meditation music and stretching and breathing…they are divine!
We used all our oils and treatments and were ready to start the day.
Rach arrived, and it was time to go to radiation. We got there early so had a chance for a gas bag which is always nice.
Then I had the treatment and it was over before you knew it.
So fortunate to have so many people willing to help and wanting to help…I’m blessed!
We then had a quick lunch and then it
was sleepy times for me. It was exactly what I needed. I slept from 1:30-
4:30pm and woke up better for it.
The girls had a great time with their
cousin DD, dancing, drawing, making film clips to music.
Later that evening Fleur was over with
the most insanely delicious soba noodle salad with marinated salmon……crazy
yummmm…I should have taken a photo but devoured it too quickly 😊
I go to bed feeling blessed, grateful
and content. I’m happy, I feel good I have a lot to live for xx
Tuesday 16th Jan - PROGNOSIS.....NOT PROGNOSIS
Early start today. My appointment is at 8:15am followed by
my first follow up Radiology appointment with Dr Ian Porter.
Katie was my driver today. So grateful for all my helpers 😊The actual radiation treatment was done in no time and I’m in a better head space to deal with it.
We then went to meet with Dr Ian Porter and discussed how
I’m dealing with the treatment, the medications and just generally.
We spoke about my lack of sleep and he suggested I take half
the amount of steroid at lunch to help me sleep at night. He said we should try
this and see how I go with managing the pain.
Then because I was on was on my own (without Kane, Katie was
there) I wanted to ask some questions I really want to know (that Kane doesn’t
want to know). I just want to know am I kidding myself?? How serious is this
situation? I know I have Stage IV lung cancer that has mastasised to my lymph
nodes, chest bones, pelvis, ribs, liver, and now brain, but am I going to make
it?? I wanted to know how long I have.
Dr Ian Porter confirmed this is what I really wanted to
know, to which I replied “Yes”. I just want to know I’m making the best
possible use of my time and not kidding myself.He spoke to me in terms of likelihoods and usually, but he didn’t give me a prognosis. He said that people respond differently and it really depends on how you, the individual, responds to everything.
I’m not a fan of his likelihoods and flat out choose not to
believe it! I’m defiant and strong and will not accept the usual’s. He also
said a lot of people in my situation are bed ridden, so I’m already starting
from a better place.
Not going to lie this information was hard, very hard to
hear but I choose not to accept it! I won’t!
I’m not the usual statistic, I’m strong in mind and body and will be the
exception! I have to. I have too much to live for, I have too much to do. I
need to raise my girls, they need me, I need them. There is no other option!!
He suggested I speak with the counsellor to help me, but at the moment I don’t
think I need it.
Whether its false hope or not I’m not going to let this get
me. I’m realistic about what the meds and treatment will do to me and how I’m
going to look and feel, but I refuse to give in. I’m here and I plan on being
here for a while.
I walked out feeling different because now I had asked the
question and I heard the answer, but I tried to move it out of my mind.
Today I’m spending quality time with Tahlia….it’s our mummy
daughter day!! It was perfect timing….I think we both needed the one on one
time. She is such a sweetheart. She is compassionate, thoughtful, mindful and
just a good kid. She was happy just to be with me.
We just walked around Mentone, went to lunch at Huff Bagelry
and then got spa pedicures. It was the perfect day, she could ask me all the
questions she wanted to know and we just chatted about random stuff too.
Had the most amazing time with this doll, who I know is
going to accomplish great things…….most importantly though I just want her to
be happy 😊
When Kane got home from work we needed to chat. He wanted to
know how my appointment with Dr Ian Porter went. I told him the questions that
I asked and asked him if he wanted to know what he said. He said he did. So as
sensitively as I could I relayed the discussion I had. Kane was just as defiant
as me and chooses not to believe or accept likelihoods or usual’s because we
both believe I will be the exception. We spoke about how we move forward
hearing this information and we both agreed that we just live life, the best
way we know how. We can’t live to an imaginary timeframe, we need to live for
now and make most of the now. So that’s what we are going to do. Live our best
possible lives, understanding that things are going to get tough, really tough
and we’ll deal with those days as they come. And in the meantime, we make the
most of the good days and spend them with the ones we love, doing the things we
love and maybe knock off some bucket list items along the way too. Kane has
been my greatest supporter, he is strong, sensitive, emotional but tough too.
He knows together we have the best chance at fighting this and that’s what we
plan to do with some fun along the way.
That night being Tahlia’s special Mummy/Daughter day, it was
her turn to have a sleepover with Mummy, we started to watch a horror movie,
before it all got a little to scary! We fell asleep cuddling…….bliss!
Wednesday 17th Jan
Super early start today……7:15am radiation appointment!! Kano
is my driver today! Treatment was fine and I’m good now. I just want to do
this! He’s soooo supportive….he’s got my back!
It’s Kiara’s turn today!! She has been so looking forward to
some special Mummy/Daughter one on one time. She is my little lady, so her day
was a pamper day.
It started with her picking her fancy outfit, that was
perfectly co-ordinated with her pink Long champ bag! Then we were off to Lush,
were they pampered her. She had her face cleansed, toned and they applied a
rose mask, then they gave her a special glitter massage on her arms and
legs…..very special. She felt very spoilt and lapped it all up. Then we were
supposed to go and get a spa pedi, but she decided against it, and opted for a
new Lego set instead. Lego is Kiara’s favourite thing in the world, makes her
so happy…..my little engineer!
We had a yummy lunch and then it was time for home. Just
like Tahlia had a sleepover last night, tonight was Kiara’s turn.
We snuggled in bed and chatted for hours, before we both
dozed off to sleep.
Comments
Post a Comment